I'm thinking about redesigning into a cooking-centric theme about being both lazy and a gourmet. I would of course, be posting more and more often, and longer, etc.

What do you guys think? Would anyone be interested?

Incidentally, I'm finishing my Summer/Seth series, "Dark Night, Hold Tight" over on fanfiction.net, if anyone is reading it. HERE IS THE LINK.

Most of the time the email forwards my mom sends me makes me roll my eyes rather than laugh, but this one took the cake...

The most important thing to remember is to read this SLOW and OUT
LOUD.

By the time you read through this, you will understand "TENJOOBERRYMUDS"...

In order to continue getting-by in America, we all need to learn the NEW English language!

The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest (maybe you!) and room-service somewhere in the good old U S A today......

Room Service : "Morrin. Roon sirbees."

Guest : "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."

Room Service: "Rye. Roon sirbees...morrin! Joowish to oddor sunteen???"

Guest: "Uh..... Yes, I' d like to order bacon and eggs."

Room Service: "Ow July den?"

Guest: ".....What??"

Room Service: "Ow July den?!?... pryed, boyud, poochd?"

Guest: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry...scrambled, please."

Room Service: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"

Guest: "Crisp will be fine."

Room Service: "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"

Guest: "What?"

Room Service: "An toes. July Sahn toes?"

Guest: "I... don't think so."

Room Service: "No? Judo wan sahn toes???"

Guest: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means."

Room Service: "Toes! Toes!...Why Joo don Juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?"

Guest: "Oh, English muffin!!! I've got it! You were saying 'toast'... Fine...Yes, an English muffin will be fine."

Room Service: "We bodder?"

Guest: "No, just put the bodder on the side."

Room Service: "Wad?!?"

Guest: "I mean butter... just put the butter on the side."

Room Service: "Copy?"

Guest: "Excuse me?"

Room Service: "Copy...tea..meel?"

Guest: "Yes. Coffee, please... and that's everything."

Room Service: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin, we bodder on sigh and copy. Rye??"

Guest: "Whatever you say."

Room Service: "Tenjooberrymuds."

Guest: "You're welcome."

Remember I said, "By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND 'TENJOOBERRYMUDS' ".....and you do, don't you!

I just found this hysterical website. My mom sends me emails like these ALL THE TIME.

My favorites so far:

mf
Me: MOM!
Me: i have internet in my room!!!!
Mom: what
Mom: wow
Me: WOW IS RIGHT!
Mom: right on mf
Me: what is mf?
Mom: my fruitcup
Me: oh of course


bees
I just met a woman who is a real-life bee-keeper!!! She has 3 hives! I am so facinated by bees…..and we were talking about 30 minutes and she is hysterical about some of her bee stories. I want to buy a hive for the backyard

question
Do u think the polygamy girls realize yet that they were victims of fashion abuse as well?

itches
What are you doing getting bitten by mosquitoes?!! You will get MALARIA - and i will have to start worrying about that instead of typhoid. Maybe you have got dengue fever even! Are the drugs working? Are you still alive?

Re: article
Oh, honey, you weren’t quite THAT big, but close. You were our little butterball!! Luckily they brought mother and daughter out in a wheelchair the day you came home. Don’t know if I could have carried you out on my own!! Only kidding!?

These just kill me. My boss has asked me three times already if I'm working. Tee hee.

Another fun site.

For anyone who missed SNL this past week, with guest Ashton Kutcher (and I can't believe I'm about to say this), there are two skits that you HAVE TO SEE.

First, the Cougar Den: I have never believed Cameron Diaz was all that funny, but the GF and I DIED laughing about this one...

ALSO, Quadriplegic Stripper. Sounds awful, was bloody freakin' hilarious.

If you go to YouTube and look up "Ashton Kutcher - Saturday Night Live", you should be able to catch the most-recently-uploaded copies of the vids.

Did anyone see Kristen last night on Dave? She's getting much better at the late night talk show schmooze. The story she told about the Black Lab she rescued was sad, yet hilarious.

Man, Kelsey Grammer, though. Holy shit. The last thing I want my six-year old kid doing is cavorting naked on a beach with Woody Fucking Harrelson. The kid starts to drown, and Woody laughs and lights up a doob? No flippin' way.

In more exciting news, the GF and I are going to Chicago this weekend! Wheeeee! I can't wait to see the sights, eat a Chicago-style hot dog, and (maybe) go on the Frank Lloyd Wright tour.

SHE'S WEARING THE EXACT SAME PAIR OF SHORTS TODAY. *headdesk*

Same flip flops, same t-shirt, only t-shirt is BRIGHT UGLY ORANGE today.

*stabs self with plastic fork*

I work with a ridiculous young woman that I'll call The Narrator. She is so-called because she sits at her desk, and generally narrates her entire day to those of us that sit in the immediate proximity. This "narration" ranges from her huffing and sighing over emails or tasks that she's reading from her computer, to saying loudly (though I'd bet anything she believes she's doing it under her breath) "You've GOT to be kidding me", "C'MON, PEOPLE," and the like; to telling incredibly personal and private stories regarding a childhood molestation, a woman who is now stalking her, believing The Narrator is trying to "hook up" with said woman's ex-boyfriend, to the man she had a crush on in the office.

The Narrator is not unattractive, but she has a seven-year old son, and now lives at home with her parents after her baby daddy, whom she lived with for 8+ years, cheated on her, and she subsequently left him. Not exactly man bait. She is losing weight, and that's definitely a positive thing, though no amount of weight loss will curb her bountiful bosom, which is basically like the goddamn prow of a ship. But I digress.

Though we have a "casual" dresscode, and while some take this to mean it's appropriate to wear shorts and sweats around the office, I was schooled by my mother at a very young age to have an uncompromising work ethic, and to believe that no matter what everyone else wears, you need to dress to be comfortable in your environment. For me, that means that I will not wear less than khaki or black dress capri pants, skirts that fall to my knees, and sport shoes, or leather sandals.

As the weather has gotten warmer, The Narrator has taken to wearing denim shorts, while not completely revealing, are still inappropriate, in my opinion, for an office. Her wardrobe today, however, takes the cake. Her short-sleeved t-shirt has a henley line of buttons that extend to a point between her breasts. ALL of these buttons are unbuttoned, displaying the afore-mentioned bountiful bosom. Her red plaid cotton shorts, while an adorable fabric, barely cover her butt cheeks. My cousin Emily was a cheerleader all four years of high school, and the bloomers she wore under her skirts are less revealing that The Narrator's shorts today. She's topped off this delightful ensemble with black foam rubber flipflops. If if I LIKED The Narrator, which I am sure you can guess that I do not, I still wouldn't want to see every last inch of her assets.

WHO TAUGHT HER THAT THIS WAS OKAY? *headdesk*

Now she's sitting at her desk, muttering loudly, "I'm going to SCREAM!"

My reply? "Go outside."

...PEEP!...

Like Marvin, Family Circus and Cathy, the comic strip Baby Blues is not funny. It's not even funny to people that ARE parents, much less to those of us who aren't. Reminding everyone how depressing parenthood is will not help in the propogation of the species. Die, Rick Kirkman. (Incidentally, the other Baby Blues collaborator, Jerry Scott, works on another comic called Zits, which I occassionally find humerous. He will be allowed to live.)

Dog Eat Doug, on the other hand, while not always laugh-out-loud funny, is usually right on the money to anyone who has (or knows) a baby and/or a dog. I can't tell you how many days I open up the paper, and there is MY GIRL, right in that comic strip. Long live Sophie and Doug!

Dilbert: always hilarious.

Foxtrot: often bloody genius.

And let's not forget our dearly departed friends,
Calvin and Hobbes and The Far Side.

The real point of my rant is this. Like Todd Gaines, there's nothing I hate more than flipping though the comics, reading my favorites, and though I hate it, right before closing the paper, some masochistic part of my brain feels compelled to stop and read "Baby Blues" - almost as if to see how NOT FUNNY it can be.

"And it's always there, in the lower right hand corner, just waiting to suck."

Yes, I know there are real problems in this world. Yes, I'm very concerned about some of them. :P

2 cups uncooked rice
2 cups water
1/2 tsp garlic powder
1/2 tsp chili powder
1/2 tsp cumin
dash pepper

1 can chili beans (Ranch style beans), black beans, or red kidney beans, undrained
1 small bag (10 oz) frozen corn kernals
1 can Rotel (diced tomatoes and green chiles), drained
1/2 cup salsa - I like Newman's Own Medium Chunky
1 cup shredded cheddar cheese

In a 2 quart microwave-save dish, combine the first six ingredients; cover with Saran wrap and microwave on high 5-7 minutes for instant rice, 18-20 minutes for regular rice, until the water is absorbed.

Stir in the beans, corn, Rotel and salsa; top with cheese. Cover and microwave 2-3 minutes longer or until heated through and cheese is melted.

Perfect for Lent!