User Profile

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie.

Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat 400.

My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy.

I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations with the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin.

I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

But I have not yet figured out who I am.



I am a semi-girly gay girl who digs older chicks and writes (mostly) hetero fanfic. I know. It's a conundrum.

My celebrity crushes are:



Jodie Foster




Lena Olin




Mary McDonnell




The Queen

and, oh, very well...




Kristen Bell


There are also women I greatly GREATLY admire and esteem, and they are:



Eleanor Roosevelt




Julie Andrews




Ellen Degeneres






The Dixie Chicks (Emily Robison, Martie Maguire, Natalie Maines)




Jodie Foster (Again! I know...she's the perfect woman *sigh*)




Diane Keaton


and...



Jane Addams


A sundry mix, but *shrugs* what can I say?


And now, for something completely different...

My new GURL!!!



Her name is Scout, and while she looks completely docile HERE, you can see that she's NOT:



Killing vicious ladybugs since 2007.

Many of you will also remember my dearly departed girl Sammie, whom I loved 'til her dying day.





While I'm sure she believed she was very mistreated, in truth she was a spoiled princess through-and-through.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Things I love: cha-cha pearl necklaces, breasts, finding/using exciting new and/or antique sex toys, giving characters bizarre middle names, poptarts, and also teacups, cooking for my girl, ranting about the fuckingness of the Republican Moral Majority, puppies and kittens and babies and duckies and bunnies and ...you get the idea.



Things I love but make me deathly ill: cereal. I don't know why.

Things I dislike intensely: People that are mean/tacky for the sake of being so. The current media obsession with Britney Spears/Paris Hilton/Lindsay Lohan/Jessica Simpson/Brangelina/etc. Also, the afore-mentioned Republicans, and their fucking Moral Majority bullshit.



Things I'm oddly fascinated with, and will read about/write about/research obsessively, but will probably never do: surrogate motherhood

Things I'm oddly fascinated with that nobody gives a damn about: all of the above, spoons.



I also have an odd/quirky/endearing/irritating habit of reveling in one fandom at a time. In order, from the age of 16, these have been: The X-Files (Mulder/Scully, casefile fics), Dawson's Creek (just *shut it*), Roswell (Michael/Maria, Max/Maria), Buffy (Willow/Tara), CSI (Nick/Sara, casefile fic), Without a Trace (Jack/Sam and Danny/Martin), Alias (Syd/Sark, Syd/Weiss, and *sighs* Syd/Vaughn), L & O SVU (Alex/Olivia, Olivia/Casey), The L Word (Alica/Dana--never wrote it but read a shitload, stopped reading when they got overly dramatic and stupid); Lost (Shannon/Boone), OC (Ryan/Seth, Summer/Seth), and currently, Veronica Mars. Once in a fandom, I obsess about it for as long as I need to, but when I lose interest, I lose complete interest. I rarely go back. While in the fandom, I will pretty much *read* any pairing, no pairing, all pairings, three-somes, more-somes, and I typically enjoy most of it. While writing, I usually stick to one pairing.

Other odd/quirky/endearing/irritating habits: making up words (ie misspellery, corporealizing, Postal Service-ish, etc). Putting "yo" at the end of sentances. Frequently. Genuinely misspelling the word "calendar" as "calender" and "grammar" as "grammer"... Also, excessive use of "and/or". I like it. Sue me.

Credits:
Logan/Veronica header created by lapdogdesign
Tara moodtheme created by twilight_moods
Logan "Confucius" icon created by nikascott
Opening "letter" found here; modified (only slightly) by me.

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